The work of true affiliation

What is the best way to handle a situation when the same child is picked last for a team? How can caring adults make things fair when children choose to be on a particular child's team, and no children choose to be on another child's team? This happened in our classroom today, and we worked very hard to help the children see what was going on and figure out a way to make sure the same situation didn't happen again. In today's game, one of the children was upset because most of the other children chose to be on a different team. We played the game anyway but this child's team ended up losing----not because of lack of numbers. After the game ended, the child lay down on the floor, covered his face, and was very still. Most of the other children rejoiced in their victory. Two other children entered the room and asked what was wrong with the child on the floor. They showed genuine concern and caring. I called all the children together to talk about the situation. Why was this child so upset? How could everyone help? One by one each child approached the upset child and asked what he or she could do to make him feel better. They said that it made them sad to see him so upset. They said that they hadn't meant to hurt his feelings. Together they brainstormed a number of different ways to form teams the next time they played. Slowly the child on the floor looked up. He then joined in the discussion with his own ideas. Within a few minutes he was playing happily with his classmates in the sandbox. An important lesson was hopefully learned. We are committed to continuing this kind of work in our class.

"Let's Work It Out"!

"The Peace Table" (or Let's work it out table) is a table with two or three chairs, set in a quiet area where children can learn beginning negotiating skills and verbal strategies for resolving conflicts peacefully, first with adult help and then, as they gain experience, on their own. The "Peace Table" gives a strong message to children that words are the acceptable tools for resolving conflicts.

Through stories, discussions and puppet plays, the Tel Aviv All Stars are learning how to resolve conflict and have created a comfortable and respectful classroom. At times, the children need to find a place to work out a conflict peacefully ("The Peace Table"). Over the course of the week, the children have been able to work through issues with friends on the rug, at circle time and outside, etc. It has been amazing how some of children just "get it "; they are comfortable and confident when using the problem solving strategies. The following are some examples of how they have applied the strategies in the classroom and on the playground:

• Teddy Fox and Ruby wanted the same chair and Mia walked up to Ruby and said, "Ruby I have an idea, you can sit in this chair next to me." Ruby said,"OK" and sat down next to Mia.
• Sam R. was being chased on the playground, he stopped, put his hand out in front of him and said, "Stop, I don't like when you chase me!"
• Teddy, Joshua, Isaiah and Ruby built a house for Chester. The problem was there were two Chester's (Teddy brought his Chester in from home), and one house. Mia heard what was going on and walked over to the conflict resolution strategies, posted in the classroom; she pointed to the negotiation visual and said,"Ruby and Teddy, you guys have to do this one!" I asked, "What does that one mean?" Isaiah said,""Sharing and thinking." Teddy responded, "Ruby why don't we take turns using the house?" Ruby said, "Sure!"

All Stars keep using those wonderful words!