Belonging

Among the top goals of preschool are for children to become part of a school community and for children to make friends. It is amazing to watch as friendships blossom for our youngest students in their first experience at school. There are so many moments of budding friendship, but they can be tricky to catch on camera. I happened to be watching during the Shabbat celebration last week as Zachary reached over, touched Henry's arm, and gave him a big smile, reaching out to acknowledge their emerging friendship. What a sweet moment to witness!

Support Attachment in the classroom culture!

"Children do not enter the classroom as an empty slate. They bring with them their home language, preferences, and culture. Just as adults might keep mementos of home at their workplace, we encourage the children to bring similar items into the classroom."

"Family pictures, a favorite book, familiar music, special foods from home help reinforce to the children that they belong to their family. It also sends a message that school is their place and that their whole being is honored and respected."

Jenna Bilmes in Beyond Behavior Management

In the classroom we have displayed photos of the children and their families in the Dramatic Play Center. Alex discovered the picture of his family first. He was so delighted to find his family photo in the classroom. He came over to find me, he took my hand to show me what he found.
Alex pulled up a chair, sat down and then pointed to each member of his family. Mom, Dad, Ellen and Alex! As he pointed and to each family member his voice was high- pitched and loud for Alex...as he is soft spoken! Bailey walked over to see what we were doing. I pulled up a chair and asked Bailey to sit down because Alex wanted to show her his family photo. After Alex shared his family photo with Bailey I asked Bailey if she could find her family photo? When she discovered it she smiled from ear to ear, and proceeded to tell Alex and I about her family. She pointed to each family member and told us their name. Both Alex and Bailey sat their for some time pointing and saying the name of each family member in the photo. We also found Grace, Cody, Kayla, and Hannah's family photos. We enjoyed talking about their families too! The entire time we spent talking about and sharing the family photos, felt so comfortable, warm and connecting for the teacher and the children!

When children see us connecting with their families, they become increasingly comfortable with the transitions back and fourth from home and school. School becomes for them almost an extended family.

A Place for Me

The Keshet children have become familiar with daily routines; they enter with confidence and head to the cubbies and hooks that will hold their gear. The children know that their things will be waiting for them in that place, marked by their photo, when it is time to head outside. With time and support, most children come to regard the early childhood classroom as a home away from home, and begin to devlop a sense of belonging. Their trust and comfort level propel the Keshet children to explore throughout the classroom, to navigate the hallways comfortably with their teachers, and to play with gusto in our outdoor playground.

Belonging is Key

Children want to belong and understand how bad it feels not to belong. How many times have you heard one child say to another, "You're my friend, right?" And how many times when they are angry have you heard them say things like "You're not my friend" or "You can't come to my birthday?" Belonging, whether to a family, a synagogue, a club, or a classroom, helps children feel secure and guides then to learn social rules and expectations for behavior.

Think About It
Reflect back on your own connections with others at work or in your community. Perhaps you've served in the military or are active in the Jewish community or regularly gather wit extended family. What do these connections mean to you? How have these connections guided you in your life? Help the children i your life begin to understand their own connections to other, beginning with their own family.

Some Ideas

• Help children build their identity as a member of your family. Put together a photo album that includes pictures of them as they are growing up as well as pictures of your immediate and extended family at all different ages. Share stories with your children about your own positive childhood memories.
• Be clear with children about your family's values. When explaining rules and limits, think of saying, "In our family we (day please, don't eat meat, braid our hair)." When your child does something against family rules, say something like "Robinson children don't take things that don't belong to them."
• Start family rituals such as eating spaghetti every Friday night or planting seeds on the first day of spring or reading books under a tree.
• Help your child make friends by inviting another child along to join you at the park or join your family for supper.

Jenna Bilmes

From Beyond Behavior Management: The Six Life Skills Children Need, second edition by Jenna Bilmes, 2012. Published by Redleaf Press, www.redleafpress.org. Reproduced with permission.