Belonging is Key

Children want to belong and understand how bad it feels not to belong. How many times have you heard one child say to another, "You're my friend, right?" And how many times when they are angry have you heard them say things like "You're not my friend" or "You can't come to my birthday?" Belonging, whether to a family, a synagogue, a club, or a classroom, helps children feel secure and guides then to learn social rules and expectations for behavior.

Think About It
Reflect back on your own connections with others at work or in your community. Perhaps you've served in the military or are active in the Jewish community or regularly gather wit extended family. What do these connections mean to you? How have these connections guided you in your life? Help the children i your life begin to understand their own connections to other, beginning with their own family.

Some Ideas

• Help children build their identity as a member of your family. Put together a photo album that includes pictures of them as they are growing up as well as pictures of your immediate and extended family at all different ages. Share stories with your children about your own positive childhood memories.
• Be clear with children about your family's values. When explaining rules and limits, think of saying, "In our family we (day please, don't eat meat, braid our hair)." When your child does something against family rules, say something like "Robinson children don't take things that don't belong to them."
• Start family rituals such as eating spaghetti every Friday night or planting seeds on the first day of spring or reading books under a tree.
• Help your child make friends by inviting another child along to join you at the park or join your family for supper.

Jenna Bilmes

From Beyond Behavior Management: The Six Life Skills Children Need, second edition by Jenna Bilmes, 2012. Published by Redleaf Press, www.redleafpress.org. Reproduced with permission.