Self-Regulation: Feelings are Responses

Most young children don’t know where their feelings come from. The first step in managing emotions is to understand where they are coming from. At school we help children understand that their feelings are responses to events outside themselves. Just as events and people affect each of us, we have an impact on the feelings of others. By weaving this language into every day conversation, we help children begin to make these important connections:

When…	Template…	Example…
Outside events have an impact on their feelings	You feel (emotion) because (event)	“You feel excited because Marge is coming for supper.” Or “You feel tired because you worked so hard on the climber.”
Other people’s actions have an impact on their feelings	When (person) (action), you felt (emotion).	“When Margaret said you couldn’t go to her birthday, you felt sad.” Or “David shared his blocks and you felt good.”
Their actions have an impact on other people’s feelings	When you (action), (other person) felt (feeling)	“When you pushed Denise, she felt angry.” Or “Jose liked it when you asked him to sit by you at circle.”

Adapted from Beyond Behavior Management: The Six Life Skills Children Need to Thrive in Today’s World by Jenna Bilmes.