In order to help children develop self-regulation skills, they must first understand that their behavior has an impact on the feelings of others. It is important not to encourage children to think they can control the feelings of others. At school we use the language below to help children understand that while feelings are reactions to events, no one can make someone else feel something.
| Instead of using the word MAKE… | Try “When you ____, I feel _____.” |
| “Tell Raymond how he made you feel.” | “Tell Raymond that you don’t like it when he calls you names.” |
| “Don’t make me call your mother.” | “When I call and you don’t come in, I feel very frustrated.” |
| “Look at his face. How did you make him feel?” | “When you told Benjamin he couldn’t play, he felt bad.” |
Adapted from Beyond Behavior Management: The Six Life Skills Children Need to Thrive in Today’s World by Jenna Bilmes.
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